Learning To Say No Is Good For You

Learning To Say No As Part Of Better Self-Care

There are too many nice people in the world today…or so it might seem, with the number of “yes” folks you run into on a daily basis. However, what about the lesser heard “evil sibling”, the word NO?

Learning to say no can be one of the most difficult tasks you need to do in your life. As a child, you were raised to be considerate to others, and to accommodate them as much as possible.

How do you know exactly when enough is enough? And more importantly, are you saying no to yourself by saying yes to others every time? Chances are that is exactly what you are doing, even if only subliminally.

Wondering when is the time for you to use your no’s effectively? We’ve got you covered!

Piling On Stress

how to say no - Learning To Say NoNot being able to say no can greatly contribute to elevated stress and real quick! Doing too much feelings of overwhelm cause and add to chronic stress, and people who cannot say no are usually the first to fall victim.

It is important to understand your own boundaries and limitations, and while helping others is important, you have to take care of yourself first.

This means sometimes saying no to friends and family, in order to maintain an optimal level of health and wellness for yourself. Now, knowing how to say no to family and friends is another thing.

Feelings Of Obligation

This is by far the most common cause of resentment in persons, since they are basically “forced” to say yes whether or not they want to. Maybe the person asking did a major favor for you in life, maybe it is a family member.

You feel a sense of obligation to always be on beck and call for whatever that person requests of you, but you need to ask yourself “when is my bill paid in full?” will you continue to feel a forced sense of obligation forever?

This constant obligatory situation builds resentment, and resentment can literally make you physically ill!

You need to let them know you have to put yourself first, by doing what you need to do. If an issue arises, it may be best to sever ties and remove a toxic person from your life.

Weekday Partying

We sincerely hope you are not one of those weekday party animals! Though we fully understand the need to unwind after a tiring week’s work, there is absolutely no justification for staying out late and drinking on a weekday when you have responsibilities to meet the next morning! It is more than likely the result of friends asking or guilting you out even though your better sense says no.

You’re not doing yourself any favors as you will be sleep deficient the following day, not to mention likely hungover and miserable. Saying yes to that, is saying no to your well-being.

Enabling Bad Behavior

It has happened to all of us before, from a kid asking for something, hearing no and slowly breaking you down, to much worse influences on your life.

From friends begging you for a loan, to unnecessary spending, while it may seem ok or insignificant at the time, it enables bad behavior and disrespect over the long haul.

When you say no, it needs to stay that way. You will gain infinite respect for having unbendable beliefs and will be looked at as a pillar of strength.

Not Speaking Up

There have undoubtedly been numerous times when you sit quietly while something (or someone) boils your blood to the point of an eruption, yet you show no outward emotions. This can range from a boss berating you in the office, a bully, or a random stranger who finds it appropriate to assert their dominance over you.

By allowing it, you are doing just that, rolling over and assuming the fetal position. Open your mouth, demand your respect and speak for what you believe in.

Conclusion

NO is not a bad word. It has been criminalized via society and the illusion that things must be ok all the time. You will only end up resenting yourself for being weak, and not ever doing what you want to do by allowing others to always walk over you. You need to look after yourself before you look after anyone else after all, lead by example!

So, start doing some good to yourself. Now is the time to start learning how to say no. It is not a bad thing, entirely. Learn how to say no without feeling guilty.

Learning to Say NO

Give yourself permission to say no! This has been an issue for me especially in the past couple months. Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in all directions and everybody seems to want a piece of me—it can be very draining. I've realized that I don't need to prove myself to anyone. I should be better about taking care of myself and protecting my energy, and only say yes when I feel that YES with my entire body. And if my intuition isn't feeling it, I can deliver a "high quality no" in a way that is respectable to myself and others.

Let me know how you feel about this in the comments! Do you have any tips of your own on how to say NO? Any advice would be lovely!

// MENTIONED
▸ Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Ep. 9) | http://nflx.it/1TXjF0o
▸ Marie Forleo - The No Train | http://www.marieforleo.com/2014/05/backing-out-gracefully/
▸ Oprah Winfrey - What I Know For Sure | http://amzn.to/1XD7IjB

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// M U S I C
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// G E A R
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I’m Aileen, a lifestyle blogger sharing knowledge and inspiration on creating your dream life.

Lavendaire is my blog about personal growth + lifestyle design. Follow along and learn how you can create a life that you love.

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